Work-Life Boundaries: A Crucial Lesson for Leadership
Manager shows woman how to set professional and personal boundaries.
My Story
When my parents immigrated from the Middle East in the 80s, they wholeheartedly believed in the American Dream, the unshakeable faith that hard work would lead to success. I watched my mother and father pour their lives into their small business for years and it wasn’t uncommon for them to work 12 hour days, even weekends, to secure a future for their family. As a child, I saw my parents embrace what we now call “the Grind” and it instilled a burning work ethic in me. At 16, I worked 30 hour weeks at our local mall, often wearing a full Hello Kitty costume at Sanrio Surprises, while attending high school full time. From the moment I could start legally working, I had a job, and I’ve truly never stopped working since then.
“The Grind” mentality, the no-time-off and no-vacations work ethic, propelled me in my career just as I knew it would. I was praised for showing up first and being the last to leave. I saw others around me prioritized work above all else be promoted, make money, and earn respect. It’s an easy enough formula: “the Grind” is rewarded with financial health and happiness. It’s almost an axiom. It seems true. It feels true.
What was actually happening was that my physical health, mental health, and my relationships were failing. I didn’t think saying “no” was an option. I allowed my place of work to add more and more to my plate and instead of evaluating my situation, I smiled and said “thank you” for the opportunity. I didn’t speak up when I felt overwhelmed or when I was pushed past my limits—I didn’t even know where my limits were.
I grew more resentful at work and in my career, and my depression brewed just below the surface. I was in stasis, with short bursts of productive mania interrupting a cold, gray fog of despair. At times, I was suicidal. I felt alone. Four years earlier, my mother died of cancer and, at 32, I just had my first mammogram. I thought of her when they told me they had found several lumps in my breast. Is this really what life was about? Am I even enjoying the gift of life? My partner and I took a week off to recharge and reflect on my diagnosis. While journaling, it became crystal clear. I had no choice but to leave work or risk losing myself.
I sought help from a therapist and coach to recover from burnout and it renewed my life. I began researching the subject of burnout and found the lack of boundaries to be at the center of it all. I’m writing this article now to help others identify early stages of burnout so they too don’t reach the point of no return.
What are workplace boundaries?
Workplace boundaries are limits you establish between yourself and your place of work. Boundaries are usually based on our values, so when a boundary is crossed, we can immediately feel it because we’re misaligned. For example, if you value family and you are consistently working past your hours, missing time with your family, you will feel this limit viscerally. The operative phrase in all this is “limits you establish”. People don’t know where your limits are unless they are articulated. If someone unintentionally crosses your boundaries, this will likely happen again unless you say something. We cannot expect others to assume our limits because they differ from person to person.
When I reached my breaking point at my previous job, nobody knew. When I shared my experience and resigned, most people were surprised, including my supervisor. I didn’t give anyone the chance to meet my boundaries because I never articulated them. Many times we are afraid to articulate our limits because we don’t want to seem like we’re not a “team player”, because we think it will be worth the promotion or raise, or because we don’t truly understand the value of limit-setting. Once you identify and articulate your boundaries, your overall wellbeing will improve, the quality of your work will improve, and the people around you will benefit as well.
3 core reasons why leaders should center workplace boundaries
As a leader, it is your responsibility to encourage work/life balance
Boundaries are important for your overall health and career longevity. Having a sound work/life balance keeps us healthy. At the core of boundaries is time: what activities are we willing to invest our finite resource of time? Research from the Harvard Business Review reports that 94% of people in professional services put in over 50 hours per week, with nearly half in that group working more than 65 hours. When we work past our hours, this leads to a domino effect of consequences. Our sleep becomes compromised, our relationship satisfaction declines, we’re more likely to feel stressed and depressed, and we even become less productive.
As a leader, you are modeling behavior to your team
This is quite powerful: you set the tone for your team. Never underestimate your role as a leader. People are looking up to you and taking cues from you. If you constantly work past your hours, deprioritize your wellness, and ignore your values, your team will think this is expected behavior and follow suit. Even though setting workplace boundaries is an individual responsibility, as a leader it is your duty to make boundary-setting a normal practice.
As a leader, sharing boundaries improves social bonds & communication
The act of sharing your boundaries takes enormous courage and vulnerability. According to researcher Brene Brown, vulnerability strengthens relationships and social bonds. Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to prioritize ourselves, our values and our health at risk of judgement from others. The good news is, when we allow ourselves to be vulnerable, to share and honor our workplace boundaries, we invite others to really see us, see our priorities, and see our humanity. Setting boundaries also naturally strengthens interpersonal relationships. When we share where our limits are, others know how to best respect our time. When boundaries are articulated, it avoids assumptions and reduces the chance of accidentally crossing someone's line. As a leader, it also sets clear expectations with your direct reports and co-workers alike. Even when we are sometimes forced to cross a workplace boundary (because let’s be honest, we’ve all had unexpected work emergencies), we are likely to happily jump in to help, to pick up the slack, because our boundaries are normally articulated and respected.
Conclusion
As a business owner, I’m learning from my past mistakes and making boundary-setting a daily practice. It’s normal if you don’t immediately recognize where your limits are. It’s a process of trial and error, such as trying out an 8am meeting or scheduling a weekend appointment with a client, to know what is something you will or won't do in the future. Give yourself the gift of pause and think about what your workplace boundaries are. Practice vulnerability by setting them in place and make workplace boundary-setting a normal practice. After all, your life depends on it.
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Mona is an advisor and speaker for The Rise Journey. Learn more about her and the educational experiences she can bring to your workplace here.
